Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal MacGuffin

Heh-heh-heh, this abridged version of the script by Rod Hilton is way better than the one they used!

→ originally published 2008-06-19

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Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of Skull-Pounding Set Pieces

here's your hat, what's your hurry?

‘I have a bad feeling about this…’
– Indiana Jones, quoting Han Solo, in Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

Damn, I knew it was a mistake to let hope and a few (over-?) generous reviewers overwhelm my longstanding belief that another Indiana Jones film would be a fiasco… As I start to write this, I just got back from seeing the latenight screening of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Incredibly Long and Charmless Movie Titles, and I’d rate it somewhere between the hokey-jokey Last Crusade and the screamy-corny Temple of Doom. And closer to the latter than the former. None of ’em even comes close to the pure cinematic joy of Raiders, of course.

But at least I didn’t hafta pay to see it.

The film bolts out of the gate and maintains the frenetic pace of a gallop to the end. It needs to stop and take a breath. It needs to pause and take a look around and think for a minute. Instead, it’s just one furious action set piece after another. But for all that, there are no thrills. I wasn’t moved to the edge of my seat even once. I never felt any sense of danger for the characters onscreen, even when they went plunging over three (count ’em: 3) enormous waterfalls. (Overfuckingkill. That’s the film in a nutshell.)   Continue reading